Within one month

We were alright

You dressed me up,

Showed me off

Took me about.

“I want to simp over you”

Then

She and you,

To the beach out of sight.

Not okay, it’s not a lie-

When you said we could never be fine.

You said it’s cause we’re both bipolar.

You said you needed time to come to terms with being (half) gay.

You said you weren’t mentally ready to be committed.

You said we’re better as friends.

I never saw you again.

“I’ll see you soon”

“That sounds really fun”

But I bet you had more fun,

Sucking on her tongue.

A week after we were alright,

Then not.

She left her man, a rotten slob.

Then you and her, two by two

Breaks and lunches, all afternoons

Working on each other, too.

You didn’t tell me.

You didn’t text me after that,

Even tho you said,

You would have my back.

You said we’d still be friends,

But you know that is a lie,

You never meant to text me back,

You never meant to see me soon.

“She’s just my best friend there’s nothing there”

tho, we were perfectly alright.

She treated me suspicious,

I was treated delusional.

You never needed time.

I was just a pretty girl,

Who wouldn’t name you in a rhyme.

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me”

“I needed to figure it out myself”

Then three weeks later,

You found yourself talking

In shadows to everyone but me,

The fool you got to answer the phone

When you were sobbing about your anxieties.

No longer your friend,

Just a shame you won’t keep.

As you move on to Ashley

To sweep her off her feet.

I want to hate you.

to be mean and rude.

But instead I’ll say

“you’re only human”

And keep glancing at the moon.

8.18.23 dh

the deepest fear

There is a part of myself,

rooted deep deep below,

that physically cannot accept,

any part of myself could be loved.

It sits beneath my collar bone,

and nests inside my heart.

I've never been without this feeling.

We've never been apart.

It and me, have become a "we"

as it's the only thing

that has not abandoned me.

Aching to know that

any morsel of myself,

is worthy of affection.

My lungs sill become taught

and strained

between my veins.

In struggling to breathe,

it will force me to take aim

straight at whatever thing

has twisted my lungs,

and deeply hurt me.

Maybe this is why I hurt myself;

After I've fought everyone else away.

dh. 7.31.23

Closet Contents

Last spring I cleaned out my closet

And all the skeletons it fit.

So now all you'll find, left behind

Are some tattered sweaters,

With my fragile spine

Hung neatly on the rack.

I am the ghost in the mirror.

dh 07.22.23